


Dad, We're Gay!

by Likea_boss9987



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Crack, Humor, I just like all these premises, I'm so sorry, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by Fanart, Inspired by Tweek x Craig episode, Jealousy, M/M, Please take the ships with a pinch of salt, Season 19 Spoilers, at such a young age they don't really understand romance, i think, kids being kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likea_boss9987/pseuds/Likea_boss9987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan and Kyle need money. And apparently, being gay sells. Star of David. Style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s): Crack (just based on the premise), Might be OOC
> 
> Author's Note: Or how a quick way to cash in turns into a journey of self-discovery for Kyle. Yup. Inspired by the Tweek x Craig Episode where people just kept giving them money. They're their canon age in this, since I wanted to address all of Season 19 and stuff.

 

_Part One_

"Damn dude. I'm so bored," Stan groaned. It was a particularly uneventful day in South Park and though Kyle appreciated the fact that all was calm after all that shit that happened with gentrification and ads trying to take over the world (although their plan made no sense – the economy didn't work like that and Kyle thought people would finally understand after he basically put himself in eternal debt but apparently not), Stan was right. It was so fucking boring.

Kyle turned to look at Stan, who was lying flat on his bed, giving the gray ceiling a blank stare, and sighed. Usually they would be content and comfortable with each other's company that it didn't matter what they did together but it hadn't been that way recently. Their relationship has been a little strained ever since they allowed their distrust for each other drive them apart, to the point where they aimed guns at each other's head. Although, to be fair, guns had been all the rage then and really, everyone had been pointing guns at each other, so it wasn't _that_ bad. It might sound defensive but Kyle _knew_ he wasn't at fault when he suspected Stan and his father. He might have gotten tricked by Leslie, might have been on the wrong side of the whole war and everything but his heart had been in the right place, like it's always been. There had been a nice (or at least he had thought she was) girl that needed help and apparently trusted him when nobody else seemed too… and she had also been against PC Principal who constantly harassed Kyle. So of course he had wanted to protect her. She had thought he was cute as well, which particularly endeared her to Kyle since he still held insecurity from when the girls made the list that named him the ugliest in class.

When she turned out to be the bad guy, Kyle had been shocked at first but in the end, he didn't really care that she was dead and gone, nor did he care that she had lied to him and he fell for it. All he was really upset about was that he had been wrong and that Stan was right. Kyle had thought it through and Stan's father being at fault just made sense. That would explain why Stan turned on him, started finding his speeches tiring and repetitive when he had been so supportive just a month ago. He had wanted that to be the reason why they had been growing apart. But now it seemed that the real reason was that Stan was growing tired of _him._

So Kyle did what he usually did whenever he felt that they were growing apart, the only reasonable thing he knew how to do. He distanced himself from Stan and hung out with other people. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In the past, he would go to Cartman because he was always more bearable when Stan wasn't around (weirdly enough, since Cartman loved to boast the fact that he hated Kyle way more than he did Stan) but he'd been hanging out more with David recently since he was a nice guy, he hated Cartman and he did not stop Kyle when he ranted in his direction. Everything that Kyle wanted in a friend.

He still hung out with Stan. Duh. No matter what, Stan was still his best friend, even though things were growing more and more awkward between them, with both of them ignoring what happened. Kyle thought it would blow over easily, like it usually did but that didn't seem to be the case. They just didn't seem to know what to do with each other anymore.

Kyle replied, "I dunno, man. Whatever, I guess. I sort of want to watch a movie. You know, that new one coming out?"

Stan nodded, starting to perk up, getting up from the bed to look at Kyle. "Sounds cool. Is it out already?"

"Should be. I'm pretty sure I've started seeing reviews for it online."

"Well, that's great then! We've something to do," Stan said with gusto, heading towards his closet to get his coat and stuff ready when Kyle stopped him in his tracks.

"I've no money though," Kyle said, frowning. "And there's no way my mom would give me money for this movie. No way, dude. It's a lost cause."

Stan paused at that and was silent for a moment before he said, "I've no money either. Damn. But I think I've got an idea."

He turned to face Kyle with a conspiratorial look on his face. "Let's say we're gay," Stan whispered, as if it was some genius idea that he couldn't chance anyone else hearing.

"What?" Kyle asked, confused out of his mind. "How'd that help anything?"

"Well, you know. Like I've heard that Craig and Tweek got lots of money when they came out. If we do it too then we're all set." Stan seemed entirely convinced with his idea. Kyle thought the idea sounded bad. Very, very bad.

"Dude, not cool. We can't lie! I mean, Craig and Tweek are _actually_ gay. It'd be so unethical! We'd be like, undermining their relationship or whatever. And aren't you still dating Wendy? I don't want her to come after me if she thinks I somehow stole you from her. She'd kill me!" Kyle said. He actually hadn't thought Craig and Tweek's relationship was legitimate at first; he had researched about 'Yaoi' and it was clear that the concept was entirely detached from reality but then they had their huge break up and got back together and that was what finally sold Kyle on it.

"Don't be silly Kyle," Stan said, shaking his head. "I don't mean we have to tell the whole town or anything. I'll just go tell my dad. The PC shit will finally be good for _something._ Then after we get the money, we'll go watch a movie and after a few days, we'll tell him we broke up and we were just confused. Easy! No one else will need to know."

Kyle bit his lip in contemplation. Was this _really_ such a bad idea? They weren't harming anybody. And they could really use the money for the movie…

"Fine," Kyle finally said. "But you're telling him."

* * *

Randy was having a perfectly fine day, lying on the sofa, watching MasterChef and sampling only the finest of wines. But that was before Stan and his little friend came up to him, holding hands, with nervous expressions on their face.

He just knew his day was going to turn weird.

"Dad," Stan said, his voice meek. "I gotta tell you something."

"Shoot." His eyes were still glued to the TV though. They were on an intense challenge round and Randy would be damned if he was going to miss it.

"Uh… okay then." Stan took in a huge breath. "Dad, I'm gay. Um." He held up his and Kyle's linked hands. "We're gay."

Randy almost took a spit take. Almost. He wasn't a character on some comedy show, after all. But still…

"What?" He asked, eyes now on the two boys.

"We're gay, dad." Stan reiterated.

Randy started to laugh hysterically. He knew it. Oh damn it; he just _knew_ Stan and his friend would turn out fruity for each other. That's why he warned Stan about it two years back. But he knew better now. They didn't have a choice. The Japanese were just doing their jobs. Randy already knew that he would be the most supportive parent in South Park when his son came out but honestly; he hadn't thought it would be so soon.

"Oh. Well—that's great, son!" Randy said enthusiastically. "Are you guys happy together? Gonna be out to everyone?" Randy sort of hoped they would. Then maybe they would beat Tweek and Craig as the town's best couple. He would be able to brag to the guys—both the other fathers and the PC frat kids—about his progressiveness then.

Stan shuffled his feet, giving Kyle a quick questioning glance before his eyes darted back to his father. "We're happy together. But, you know, we've just started… uh, testing the waters so we don't want anyone to know yet. Just you, dad. 'Cause I… trust you."

"I'm honoured, Stanley." Randy said, truly touched. To think his son trusted _him_ the most, that he chose him to come out to first. "Really. I love you, son. You know what?" Randy's eyes were starting to tear up as he brought out his wallet. "I want you to know that you have a really cool, supportive, PC dad. Here's a hundred dollars. Go have a nice date with your fri—I mean, boyfriend!"

"Wow, thanks dad!" Stan exclaimed, taking the hundred-dollar bill from his hand before rushing to the front door, pulling Kyle along behind him. "I'm sure glad that I came to you."

"Of course you are son. Of course you are." Randy said as he watched Stan and Kyle disappear once again. Man, every kid in South Park probably wished their dad were as cool as him. Randy nodded to himself before returning to his cooking programme.

* * *

"Dude, he totally fell for it!" Stan said with glee. They were on their way to the cinema and Stan waited until they were a fair distance away from his home before saying that.

"Yeah, I can't believe it worked!" Kyle said. "I mean, you weren't even that convincing. I guess we're lucky your dad's stupid, huh?" Kyle was absolutely glad that his hypothesis that Stan's dad was easily manipulated still held true. Seriously, he was such an obvious option if someone wanted to take over the world but didn't want to do all the dirty work.

Stan shot him a glare. "Hey. Don't call my dad stupid. He might be a little naïve…and he's done a lot of dumb things but dude, he's still my dad. You don't like it when Cartman makes fun of your mum. Don't make fun of my dad. You've been so hung up on him ever since the Incident."

See what Kyle meant when he said they wouldn't talk about what happened? They even had a name for the thing that shall not be named. The Incident, with a capital 'I' and everything. In the past, Stan wouldn't even blink if Kyle called his father stupid. Stan did it on a daily basis, even. So what changed?

Kyle actually felt offended. Not only did Stan just liken him to Cartman (which would be an insult to anyone) but he also seemed to forget that Kyle had a good reason for disliking his dad. Cartman was just being an anti-Semitic asshole whenever he insulted Kyle's mum but Stan's dad had actually wronged Kyle, by sneaking into his room, messing up his already messed up hair, tying him to a tree and drawing dicks on his face. "Says the one who came up with plan to trick him. I'll try my best to ignore the fact that you just compared me to _Cartman_ of all people. But dude, I'm not 'hung up on him'. I just—never mind. Let's just go for that damn movie…"

They now walked towards the movie theatre with an awkward silence hanging around them. Kyle sighed. Looks like he just killed the good mood. And just when he thought they could put everything behind them.

* * *

A week after Stan and Kyle 'came out' as a couple to Stan's dad, Kyle received a call from Stan.

"Hello?"

"Kyle, dude. We have to fake our break up, like right now!" Stan said, an urgent tone in his voice.

"Huh?" Kyle said, confused. "Can't you just tell your dad that we broke up or whatever? I mean—we're nine. He can't have expected our 'relationship' to last. And anyway, what's the rush?"

"I dunno. My dad wants me—us—to come out to the town. Said that there's 'no shame' in it. That our town was 'super progressive' now, so there's 'no need to be afraid'. I told him that we're really not ready yet but he was insistent. I'm scared that he'll tell everyone himself… starting with your parents."

"Oh shit, you got to be kidding me!" Kyle cried out. He was fine with his parents thinking he was gay—though his mum would probably smother him and start some gay rights campaign, which might become unbearable—but he most definitely did not want them to find out from _Stan's fucking dad._ "I'm coming over right now and we can figure something out."

"Okay, dude, hurry!"

* * *

"Dude, you made a script?" Kyle said, looking at the piece of paper Stan handed him with an amused expression on his face. Stan didn't understand why Kyle sounded so incredulous. He liked writing. Sue him. He saw an opportunity and he took it. And he was sure that what he wrote wasn't crap. In fact, Stan was absolutely, positively sure that his script was great.

"Yeah. I mean, if we want to make it convincing then _of course_ we need a script. We have about half an hour before my dad comes home from work so we should start rehearsing now," Stan replied.

Kyle sighed and did a quick scan of his lines. He paused. "Stan. This script is really gay. And I mean _really_ gay."

"Well, it's _supposed_ to be gay. We're pretending to be gay, after all."

Kyle rolled his eyes before giving another critique of the script. "And why do you get to break up with me? So I'm undesirable now, is that what you're trying to say? What makes you think I would want to stick with your sorry ass, anyway?"

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling annoyed now. "No Kyle. Don't be so fucking sensitive. I don't mean any of that. Stop looking for things that aren't there. I just thought it would be best, y'know? So that my dad won't go running to your parents to complain—or whatever else he'd do to mess up your life."

"Oh." And Kyle was looking down at the floor now, awkwardly shuffling his feet. Stan could bet a couple hundred dollars right now that he was blushing, probably feeling stupid for his mistakes. Kyle never liked being wrong, nor did he like wronging people. "I'm sorry, dude."

"It's fine. So, wanna start practicing?"

"Yeah."

* * *

They've already ran over the script ten times when his dad's car pulled into the driveway. Stan was feeling a little nervous because out of the ten times they rehearsed, he could tell that they weren't going to be very convincing for the real thing. Both him and Kyle were a tad bad at acting. Kyle's voice would constantly get higher whenever he spoke his lines (Stan didn't know if he was doing it on purpose to be sarcastic or if it were genuine) and it was clear that his acting was on par with his dancing skills. Which to say, wasn't that good. And as for himself, Stan was sure that his body language would give him away immediately. He had a habit of wringing his hands when he was nervous and he was almost afraid that he would start puking while he said his lines. All of this would be fine in a school play but in real life, Stan wasn't sure if they could pull it off.

But to be fair, it was his dad. Stan had picked him to trick and not his mum for a reason. Hopefully, he would fall for it without asking too many questions.

"He's back!" Stan loud-whispered to Kyle. He grabbed the redhead's hand and pulled him into the kitchen. "So you know the plan, right?"

"Yeah, of course I do. Wait for your dad to come in, start yelling at each other, and then storm out of your house with an angry expression on my face. Really, it's not _that_ complicated Stan."

The front door creaked open and Stan whispered, "It's starting." He then raised his voice, "I just can't to this Kyle! I thought I liked you like _that_ but I guess I was wrong. It has nothing to do with you—really! I'm sorry, dude, I'm just not gay!

Kyle shouted, "How could you? I thought we were happy together! If you knew you weren't gay then why did you lead me along? Why play with my feelings?"

"I didn't mean to!" Stan said and he honestly thought they were doing quite well. He was also sure that his dad was now at the locked kitchen door, eavesdropping on their 'fight'. "I never—I thought I could give it a chance—give _you_ a chance but I'm sorry. It just didn't work out."

"Fine!" Kyle said, voice starting to waver, and Stan could swear that there were tears in his eyes. Wow, Kyle must be very absorbed in the scene. Stan had to take his words back—maybe Kyle wasn't such a sucky actor after all. He just needed to get in the zone. "Do whatever you want! I don't care! I'm done with this."

And Kyle stormed out of the kitchen (and what would you know, of course his dad was out there, looking at them as if he had been caught red-handed—though Kyle completely ignored him) and out of the house, just as planned.

Stan heaved a sigh a relief. Finally. It was over.

But his dad must have taken it for a sign of sorrow as he knelt down to Stan's level and pulled him into a hug. "It's alright buddy. I know it must be hard to break your best friend's heart like that but don't worry. I'll support you through this. Even if you aren't gay."

 _Well, maybe not just yet_ , Stan thought, as he awkwardly accepted his dad's hug. His dad really sounded sad about his 'relationship' ending.

_Maybe my plan wasn't so great after all._

* * *

The entire ordeal was finally over. Everything should have gone back to normal. Except it didn't. Kyle had a problem. And it was confusing the heck out of him.

When Stan had held his hand, Kyle had felt a sort of warmth rise up inside of his chest, the type that could almost be associated with having a crush. He's never had that type of feeling when he'd been with the girls— Rebecca, Nichole and Leslie. If he were to be honest with himself, the only reason why he pursued any of them was because he felt he was supposed to. His best friend already had a girlfriend and the boys around him were starting to develop interest in girls while Kyle felt nothing. Nothing. They were still in the fourth grade; they shouldn't even have to _worry_ about these things. Or at least, Kyle shouldn't have to. But since everyone was doing it, Kyle thought it was expected of him as well. He already ignored so many trends, missed so many of them that if there was one he could follow with little effort and guilt then _god_ , of course he was going to take it. Anything to fit in—he was already different enough.

But feeling weird around Stan was not the worst part of it. (Even though it was embarrassing beyond belief that he actually started crying when Stan said all those things to him—it just felt so real, at the moment, although Kyle knew it was fake— and he really hoped Stan thought he was just great at acting.) No, that was the least of his problems. The problem was that this wasn't the first time Kyle had felt this way around Stan. Stan had held his hand a bunch of times throughout the length of their friendship and Kyle always felt the same feeling of bliss, though he originally thought it was due to the fact that they were Super Best Friends. Now, however, Kyle was just confused. What could all of this mean?

 _It's probably nothing,_ Kyle thought to himself as walked back to his home, wiping his tears away. He was nine, after all. It was too early to be thinking of these things—it was too early to be sure that he was gay. Maybe, just maybe, he was just a late bloomer.

And you know, maybe Denial was just a river in Egypt.


	2. Part Two

_Part Two_

Kyle has had it with his confusion. He's been internally debating with himself for days and he still hasn't come up with a clear answer. And he absolutely hated not knowing things. He wanted to test his theory—he wanted to know if he could actually be gay.

And he just found a great way to do it.

How? Well, it all started when David came over to study/hang out. It was not very often that they were able to do so, since David's parents usually got him to help out with chores around their restaurant. Either that or Kyle wouldn't be free, due to prior plans made to hang out with Stan. On that particular day however, David's parents had given him a day off and as for Stan, well, let's just say he got detention for using the word 'gay' inappropriately. Kyle probably would have gotten one too (since PC Principal hated his guts) if not for the fact that he'd been adamantly keeping to his strategy of not speaking whenever PC Principal was around. He just couldn't win whenever he opened his mouth. Everything could be taken the wrong way.

Either way, it was about the time they finished their math homework when Kyle came up with his brilliant plan.

* * *

 

"—and then, wham! Pow! The Captain punches him right across the face!" Kyle exclaimed, wildly gesticulating. "It was so awesome! You totally should've been there!"

David chuckled at Kyle's enthusiasm. Then he sighed. "I wish I could've too." He turned away from Kyle and returned his gaze onto his English homework.

Unfortunately, there was no way he would be able to. He didn't have the time or the money. Time to drown in self-pity.

"What's wrong?" Kyle asked, probably sensing his sudden despondence. The side of David's lip twitched upwards. Perceptive little thing, he was.

"Nothing… I guess I just wished I could see it. My parents just moved here and our restaurant's just taking off so there's no way they would allow me to squander money on this. It sucks—but I understand, y'know? It's alright. Why don't you just tell me more about the movie? Or we can go back to doing our work. _¿Sí?_ "

David did the first few vocabulary questions on his worksheet as Kyle remained silent. He was starting to feel a little awkward. Why wasn't Kyle replying?

Turning to face the redhead once again, David questioned, "Hey. Are _you_ okay? You haven't said anything in, like, ten minutes." Now that he was actually looking at Kyle, he could see that he had quite a weird expression on his face. He appeared to be… contemplating something.

Kyle stayed silent for awhile more before he seemed to snap out of his thinking trance. "Oh! Sorry 'bout that. Was a bit distracted. I was just thinking… since you really want to catch that movie… it's showing again this evening. And your parents gave you the entire day off, right? 'Cause you know, if you want, we only have English left. We can finish it quickly and go!"

David bit his lip, trying to think on it. Of course he wanted to go! However…

"What about the money though?"

"Don't worry about it," Kyle said, giving him a kind smile, though his green eyes looked a bit worried and nervous. "I've got a plan…"

* * *

Kyle walked up to his parents timidly, David trailing behind him. It's not that Kyle was frightened of his parents or anything, really! He just had a strong, _healthy_ respect for them, that's all. He took in a deep breath.

"Mum, dad, I've something to tell you."

His mum turned towards him and raised an eyebrow. "What is it bubbala?" Kyle's father looked up from his newspaper just a little but gave no other indication that he was really listening.

 _Okay, you can do this Kyle. Stan did it easily with his father… though my parents_ are _smarter than that…_

"Alright. I'm just going to say it outright. I'm gay."

Surprisingly enough, there was no startling reaction to his statement. Kyle thought that his parents would support him but expected that they would _at least_ be shocked by the news. His father was the first to respond. "Oh, so you and Stan are getting back together?"

Upon hearing that, Kyle couldn't hold back his rage. "Wait. What? _Back together?_ What makes you think we were ever together? Or ever _will_ get together? No! I'm dating David!" Kyle followed his outburst by grabbing on tightly to David's hand, hoping that David would know to go along with it. They were partners in crime in this, after all.

"Is that true?" His mum asked, now facing David. "Are you dating my son?"

David's face turned bright red (and Kyle almost sighed in relief – that effect would definitely help their act seem convincing) and nodded. He straightened his posture, standing strong, as he said, "Yes, I am."

"Hm." His mum said. "My Kyle is a wonderful boy, David. He deserves the very best. Are you prepared to treat him well?"

Kyle flushed, not being able to believe that his mum just said that. This scheme was getting out of hand. "You don't need to answer that," he told David. To his mum, he said, "Please don't embarrass me, mum. I think David is a great person and will be a great boyfriend. I won't be dating him if I thought he wasn't."

"You know I just want the best for you bubby."

"I know. I appreciate it and love you for it but please trust my judgement on this. I think I know what I'm doing." Kyle did his best to look confident and mature as he said this, hoping that his parents could end their interrogation soon and just give him and David money for the damn movie. Why did it go so much faster with Stan and his idiotic father? Oh wait; Kyle just answered his own question.

His mum looked liked she wanted to retort that, perhaps bring up his young age or something, but withheld it.

"Alright, I'll let it go this once," his mum conceded and Kyle felt like he had won a battle. "However, if this turns out badly don't come crying to me."

"I won't." Kyle said with the utmost confidence. Duh, this was all an act, after all.

There was a moment of awkward silence in the room before Kyle remembered something.

"Wait," Kyle said. "You didn't reply me from before. Why do you think Stan and I ever dated? And why aren't you guys in the least bit surprised?"

"Now Kyle, don't be rude. Calm down."

"Yes, calm down, Kyle. Listen to your mother. But, I mean, it's not a big deal. I just heard from Randy that you and Stan—"

Kyle heard nothing else after his father mentioned 'Randy'. Fucking _Randy._ All of Kyle's problems always started with Stan's stupid ass dad. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Stan on this issue. Why had he ever thought pretending to be gay would be a good idea? And he was repeating the idea! Well, what was he supposed to do at this point? He couldn't very well tell his mum that he had lied to her. She'd fucking skin him alive!

"I fucking hate him," Kyle muttered under his breath.

"What did you say, Kyle?"

"Nothing dad."

"Mm. Anyway, we were quite disappointed that Randy knew about you being gay before us—"

"The fact that you thought we, your parents, would be less accepting than them is preposterous, bubby!" His mother interjected. "I'll champion any cause that benefits my bubbala."

Kyle groaned. This was going _way_ off course. Time to get back on track. "Well… David and I were planning to go on our first date at the movies. But we're both running a bit short on cash…"

"Say no more, Kyle," his father stopped him and Kyle could feel his heart stop. Did he see through their farce? But then his dad pulled out his wallet and Kyle heaved a sigh of relief. "Two hundred dollars. No more, no less. Not to be spent on anything other than dates though. Spend wisely."

 _Yes!_ Kyle cheered. He succeeded. He actually managed to fool his parents. It was an achievement of a lifetime.

David had not spoken for most of the conversation but now he flung his arm around Kyle's shoulder, pulling Kyle closer to him, almost nuzzling him, and said, "Do you wanna go for that date now?" Then he looked to Kyle's parents, "Mr and Mrs Broflovski, would it be okay for me to take your son out on a date now?"

Pulled flush against David's body, Kyle started to blush furiously. This felt—weird. Not bad weird though… it was actually quite comfortable. But doing such a thing in front of his parents… Well, at least David knew how to win over his parents. Asking for permission and deferring to their opinion was always a surefire way to gain his parents' approval.

In fact, his mum looked delighted. "What a considerate boy! Of course you can! Have fun, you young lovebirds." Kyle was shocked. She hadn't even asked them what movie they were going to watch! Well, Kyle was definitely not going to wait around for her to ask.

"Okay mum. We will! Thank you. Love you guys—bye!"

And with that, David and Kyle ran out the front door, high-fiving each other as they raced to the movie theater, their laughter filling the air.

* * *

"This is the part I was talking about," Kyle whispered excitedly into David's ear. "Isn't it awesome? Totally awesome, right?!"

David hummed in agreement, stuffing a hand full of popcorn into his mouth as his eyes stayed glue onto the huge screen. This was great! It's been awhile since he's been allowed to go out and have some fun, what with most of his time being taken up with either helping his parents out or studying his ass off. He was grateful to Kyle for getting the money to do this, even though his way of doing so was a bit…unconventional.

Throughout the entire movie, Kyle kept up a constant stream of commentary to David. Such a chatterbox. Not that David minded. In fact, David immensely enjoyed it when Kyle talked to him, whether it be about movies like the one they were watching or it was about the newest factoid he learnt while searching the web. Even Kyle's rants got him engrossed. David couldn't exactly pinpoint why. David certainly didn't enjoy it that much when other people talked. Especially not when it was annoying, fucking, bigoted assholes like Cartman. On the other hand, Kyle could be boasting the whole time and David would just nod along because it never really felt like he was being condescending, only that he wanted to share his knowledge. Maybe it was his voice. Or maybe it was the content, or the enthusiasm, or the fact that Kyle's face turned adorably red with passion as he talked and talked… Or, you know, maybe it was just Kyle.

David blushed and swallowed hard. Wait. What did he just think?

"…much better than with Stan…asshole," David heard Kyle mumble under his breath and he was hundred percent sure that he wasn't supposed to hear that. Either way, he had and the words made David's face flush red once again. Really? Did Kyle prefer spending time with him to spending it with Stan? That was crazy! Everyone knew Kyle and Stan were like inseparable buds. If Kyle saw David as someone he wanted to spend time with even more than Stan… that was fantastic! Moving to a new place had been weird and new for David and he had been extremely lucky to find a great friend in Kyle, someone who did his best to make sure he didn't feel excluded. If Kyle returned David's sentiments, that would be amazing! David won't mind being Kyle's b… best friend.

Not that David wanted to replace Stan or anything. Stan was cool. He just felt, personally, that he understood Kyle better and that he could fill another position in Kyle's life.

David suddenly felt a light weight on his shoulder. He looked down to see Kyle's green ushanka, Kyle leaning against him, and smiled. He made no effort to shake him off. He just allowed him to stay there as they enjoyed the movie, enjoyed their 'date', together.

* * *

It's been three weeks since David and Kyle 'came out' to his parents. And they have not 'broken up' yet. Kyle's problem?

He didn't want to.

Three weeks. Three weeks was enough to make it clear to Kyle that he really, _really_ liked David. And not as just friends. He _like-liked_ David. Their fake date—well, _dates_ now—was so nice! Their first date could have been a fluke since they were both high on excitement at having successfully executed their plans without any negative repercussions. Or maybe that was just him. But the rest, all in Kyle's house (since they were still technically faking and needed to act for Kyle's parents—Kyle would hate to think of what would happen if his mum found out he lied to her), were spectacular. Sure, they acted as they did before, playing video games and joking with each other… except when either of Kyle's parents came into the room to check on them, then there would be cuddling, nuzzling, holding hands, cheek and forehead kisses…all initiated by David. All the actions filled Kyle with warmth but he was almost certain that David was just doing it for the sake of further convincing Kyle's parents, which was pretty sneaky but you couldn't argue with the results.

Oh god, he was so screwed! Kyle could bet that any day from now, David would ask when they could break up, probably feeling tired of keeping up the act. Perhaps even today, since David was coming over for another study session.

But Kyle wasn't ready, didn't want, to let it go just yet…

* * *

 

"We need to talk," David said, nervousness bubbling inside of him. Kyle's head immediately snapped up to face him, hands slowly closing the book he was reading.

"Oh. Okay, sure. Yeah. Let's talk," Kyle said and David arched an eyebrow. Kyle sounded even more nervous than him. Strange.

 _Okay,_ David thought. _You can do this Rodriguez._ This was it. He took in a deep breath but before he could say anything, Kyle said, "I know what you want to say. You want to 'break up' with me, don't you?"

What?

"I mean, it's alright. I understand. This plan has gone on for quite long… longer than I expected but could we keep it up for a bit longer? Just for awhile more. Because I think my parents are really starting to like you… and I don't want them to turn against you, y'know what I mean? I want to spend more time with you in my house…"

Kyle looked like he could say more but he stopped there and David couldn't be more relieved. He wanted to clear all of Kyle's misconceptions. Also, Kyle's stammering before filled David with greater confidence. That maybe he wasn't the only one who wanted their relationship to continue. But for real this time.

The last few weeks had been a few of the best in his life. At first, David had sort of just been overplaying his role as Kyle's boyfriend, secretly trying to tease Kyle as well, enjoying the redhead's reaction to his little actions of affection. But slowly he started to realise that he really enjoyed it. And he already liked being around Kyle so much before…

"You've got it all wrong, Kyle. I don't want to break up. I actually—I actually want to ask you if… if we could make our relationship real."

"What?" Kyle exclaimed.

David sighed. " _Me gustas._ " Kyle gave him a blank stare. "I like you, Kyle. I really do. I think… we'll be great together. For real."

A moment passed, without any reply from Kyle. Then… "Really?"

David shook his head, a small smile quirking at his lips. "Yes, really. Why would I lie?"

"Then…does that mean you're gay?"

David snorted at that. "Does that really matter? All I know is that I like you. And my parents already like you for helping us with that Yelp issue and that Fatass so I think that if we start a real relationship, they won't really protest. They have better things to worry about than that, anyway. I think… I think we can do this. I want to do this.

"So. Will you be my boyfriend? My _real_ boyfriend, this time."

A huge smile bloomed on Kyle's face. He embraced David in a tight hug. "Yes. I think—I think I really want that too."

David laughed, feeling triumphant as he unhooked one of his hands from around Kyle to push back his curly red hair, planting a kiss on his forehead.

" _Me gustas."_

"I like you too, David."

* * *

Stan was upset. In the past few weeks, Kyle has been spending less and less time with him and more time with David. Stan could be fine with that—probably—but Kyle didn't even make an effort to include him. No "Do you want to hang out with David and I today?" Only "Can't hang out today, David's coming over."

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Exactly who was Kyle's Super Best Friend? Stan felt like he was being replaced. And that feeling wasn't nice.

But it finally got too much for Stan, real fast, and of course, he immediately confronted Kyle about it.

One day, when Kyle finally had free time to grace Stan's house with his presence, Stan went straight to the point.

"Kyle. Kyle! Stop reading for a second and look at me!" Stan said, trying to get Kyle's attention.

Kyle placed his book down, an unimpressed look on his face. "What is it Stan?"

"I—I just want to ask you something. Why have you been ignoring me these past few weeks?"

"I have not—"

"No, seriously Kyle. I'm not joking. You've been spending most of your time with David these few weeks. In fact, I can count the number of times we hung out in the past weeks on one hand. Why Kyle? Are you trying to replace me? Just tell me straight if you are…"

"No, Stan. No. You'll always be my best friend. No matter what happens. It's just that David's in a new place and I'm just trying to make it more welcoming for him. Also…" Kyle looked away from Stan at that moment, and he seemed hesitant. "Also, we're dating."

"What?!" Was Stan's immediate response. He couldn't believe it. What did Kyle just say?

Kyle rolled his eyes. "I said he's my boyfriend, Stan."

Stan swallowed the saliva gathering in his mouth. "But…but what? How did this happen? _When?_ "

"Well…" Kyle started to tell Stan about how it all started and how it slowly progressed into both of them starting to really like each other.

After Kyle finished with his story, Stan just had to ask, "So, you're really gay then?"

"Does that really matter?" Kyle asked, the side of his lip lightly twitching upward. "I just know that I like him. If you really think about, it's not that weird is it? I just really like him so I'm dating him. We're like you and Wendy, I guess. It shouldn't make a difference."

 _Except I don't ignore you to be with her,_ Stan didn't say.

Silence filled the room as Stan thought of what to say in reply, as he simultaneously tried to deal with his conflicting feelings.

"Stan," Kyle said after awhile. "Are you okay? You haven't…said anything."

"Oh!" Stan said, realizing that his silence might be mistaken for disapproval. "I—sorry for that. I'm glad you're finally dating someone. I guess I can finally spend more time with Wendy, huh?" Stan chuckled, a little forcefully. Kyle followed along, starting to laugh as well.

"You really should. I think Wendy's getting a little annoyed with you again. Might want to try buttering her up if you don't want to break up again."

"I'll keep that in mind," Stan said.

"Well. That was an emotionally tiring talk. I hope you don't mind but I need to meet David at his family restaurant."

"Yeah, okay," Stan murmured under his breath. "I understand. Bye Kyle."

"Bye!" Kyle said, grabbing his bag and dashing out of Stan's room.

* * *

Stan felt a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach as he watched Kyle leave, so strong that he wanted to puke. But he didn't understand why. There was no reason for him to be upset. None at all. In fact, he should be happy! His best friend was dating someone. Shouldn't Stan be happy for him?

Stan swallowed. Could it be that he was homophobic? Was that it? Was that the reason why Stan felt nauseous at the very idea of Kyle being with David?

But that couldn't be! Stan was extremely tolerant of homosexuals—not just that, he was all for gay rights! His dog was gay, for Christ's sake! Surely, it couldn't be that.

 _Then what?_ Stan wondered to himself as he plopped onto his bed. Why else would I feel so wrong about this?

Could it be because he was protective, even _possessive_ , of Kyle? After all, they were best friends and Stan always felt this burning need to take care of Kyle, to make sure he was safe and out of harm's way. Maybe he just felt that David wasn't suitable for Kyle, that Kyle could do so much better.

 _Like who though?_ Stan asked himself, staring blankly at the ceiling. He just felt so lost—he had so many questions, though they were mostly to himself. _Kyle's happy with him… so who am I to judge?_

Yeah. Who was he to judge?

Stan and Kyle were _just_ Super Best Friends, anyway. Nothing more. Nothing more…

But Stan didn't want anything more.

Did he?

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Part Two, with David/Kyle (my newest ship) and jealousy, will be uploaded soon. I hope.
> 
> On another note, I've finally found the fanart that inspired this fanfiction!
> 
> http://nhaingen.tumblr.com/post/132254482669/on-the-next-episode-of-the-bad-show


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